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Claras Land3月4日 BitchologyBITCHOLOGY When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. they call me a bitch. they call me a bitch. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. I am defined as a bitch. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming...
Damn, What a ride!!
Life is an attitude: 1月12日 No more you...The pain inside me is numb… I feel alone and unattached. Forgotten and unwanted. I want nothing more then to embrace you. To tell you how much I care. But as before you have lied to me. Promises are broken words are tainted… With your lies… They have brought this to me… Can you not see my tears? They run down my cheeks… Can you not see that I am dying? I am dying inside… Lies… I am not one to be the angle. But you stood there and told me that I was. I was a perfect person, despite me pointing out many of my flaws; you brushed them away with out a thought. Telling no one was as perfect as I. And here I sit alone and unwanted. Tainted with my flaws and hardened by my silent hatred for your lies. I am to forgiving. I have forgiven you to many times. Your words sound so sweet and your heart feels so warm. But I am afraid to be hurt again. I can no longer play this game with you. No more lies… No more hurt… No more you…
I will be hurt no more... 12月2日 Sale Woot!Ok I took in one of these snowflakes to show my Boss at the art Center to se if she liked them so I could make them in birthday parties with kids. But now it's turned out SOOO much better! The lady that works the desk saw them and told me right away she liked them and wanted to sell some in our gift shop! So now after three days of stringing I've made 13 of them and in one day only I've solf 4! Yes:P I'm so OMG excited! The lady at the desk made prices for them. 4.95 for large, 4.50 for med, and 3.00 for small. I think the big price is because of the fact there are some glass beads on the snowflakes. And lets face it glass beads are expensive to buy! 0.90 for 14 of them! It's insane some of the prices! Anyways thats my lil happy bit of the day! WOOT! ^_^ You can see the pictures of the ones I've made so far. There in the December file. They make such cute lil christmas presents! 11月27日 RENT Vs. HP4OMG! Have I ever missed this computer! I've bin grounded the last week:| Yeah me:|:|! >_< But now I'm back! YEAH! ^_^ I've got two things to talk about this blog! RENT and HP4 now I know I'm a lil bit of an HP nerd but come on we all gotta stay young somehow!
RENT
Although I did see the Musical LIVE in NY the actual movie was alright they cut some scenes and songs that I really like but baring with it all it was good... If I had seen the Movie then the Play I'm sure it would have bin a better experience! But I must say the vocals and music were breath taking!
HP4
Now this movie although VERY good for a movie made me rather mad since it was NOTHING like the books in parts. They cut bits and pieces left and right from the book and it made it harder to follow! Like they cut the Map, the reason Moody had bin locked up in the box, why Harry’s parents came through to him in the graveyard! It all jumped from scene to scene and it was very confusing Doobie was completely cut from the book! Rita Was cut out of a lot of the movie too... All in all it was good for a movie but true HP fans would have bin upset in the lack of substance! 11月26日 An Elders MeditationSomething I picked up at a Womens Circle...
"You focus on Respect, you et Respect; you focus on Love, you get love; you focus on the Read Road, you get peace of mind."
It might not make sense to all but it makes sense to me! ^_^ 11月15日 IDIOTS!Since some people have been misreading my poems I shall have to put an inspiration under each one since I can't write my poems without being accused of things. SO here's the deal! I'm going to give a reason for each poem! Manly because yes people are morons and I know Raymond! I tried that but it didn't work (inside thing) anyways! See yaz!
Clara
This was written because FOUR people asked me about the same poem "My Secrets" and ONE asked me about my others. So since people have to question me I thought HEY I'll just post these things... Words...Fight the urge... Fight the urge to be normal, to be a sheep... Sheep often follow their leaders off cliffs Fight the urge to fall in love once... It takes many falls before we can learn Fight the urge to hate... Hate only ever ends in misery for the hater Fight the urge to seek revenge.... Revenge is often a never-ending road Fight the urge to be beautiful.... beauty is most often found in our flaws Fight the urge to keep secrets... In the end all we have is the truth Don't give in... Don't give into despair.... There is not always a happy ending but there are always happy beginnings cherish them Don't give into fear... Fear is what gives everyone power over you Don't give into pain... Pain is to be endured to make your mind and body stronger Don't give into desire... More times out of not in the end you regret it all... Still gonna work on some of it but so far that's all I got for the word of the wise.... 11月9日 SecretsI looked down at my stomach and sighed. How much longer would this be my secret? I let my hand pat my stomach gently. It had bin four months since that night. One of 'passion and romance' I know now that I'm to young to know what those words mean. I sighed again trying to not let choked tears run down my cheeks. I thought I felt something inside me twist and turn. I gave a squeeze to my mothers hand as she brought me the final forms. I wrote with blurry tears. My pen scratches became even messier as I began to cry again. I felt another urge to run away. To hide, to protect... I needed to protect the unborn inside myself. I had no choice though. I tried to calm myself. I wonder if my inner guilt would upset the unborn... What did it matter now? Soon it would be nothing but a washed away memory... A ghost in my life, one to haunt me forever. I gave the papers back to my mother. All she could do was hug me and tell me how much she loved me. In her eyes though I could see she wanted to run too. We both wanted to run and let this baby live. I looked at my stomach. No... It could not live a life I would provide. The struggles I would put it through... No... This was my mistake and this poor unborn baby would pay for it... Tears began to roll down my cheeks harder as I tried to steady my breathing. I knew what I was doing was selfish and I was only protecting myself. I knew it was wrong and I hated myself for it. But with the father long gone and forgotten what could I do? This baby was my secret... My baby... I'm so sorry... Was all I could whisper as I patted my stomach gently hoping in someway that this baby could forgive me for cheating it in life. My breath hitched again as I felt my eyes begin to sting worse. I looked over at my mother and hugged her only muttering how sorry I was. Then my life turned I heard the door open and someone walk over to me. I didn't turn, I knew who it was. 'He'll see you know.' Was all she could whisper. 'Thank you' I choked out... I looked down at my slightly rounded stomach. 'I love you...' I whispered as I stood up and followed her into the room only glancing back at my mother as she nodded to me through tears. This was our secret... My secret... My baby... I'm so sorry...
Think before you do... You might regret it if you don't... 11月2日 Troubled Feelings...Sigh... I'm writing this blog because I feel I have just witnessed the most touching and saddest thing ever... I was riding home on the bus like usual when a rowdy and slightly annoying younger kid came on the bus shortly followed by his father. The took there seats and at first all was quite among the pair. Then the younger boy, James, began to question his father why he couldn't live with him. The father wrapped his arm around his sons shoulder and tried to fumble with a few words saying that he loved his son but there just was not enough room at 'Daves'. See the boys’ parents were in the middle of a separation and the boys mother sent him to live with his aunt and uncle for awhile till things settled. His father kept trying to explain to make the boy feel better. He told him no matter what he loved him and so did everyone else in his family. That even though he wasn’t there to see him through things he was always in his heart and just a phone call away. He could visit whenever he liked and was always welcomed. The boy... Did not understand he told his dad he wanted to live with him and even sleep on the couch the father argued that it wasn't proper for a young boy to not have his own room. The father said the boy needed his own space, somewhere where he could sleep at night, put his clothes, and play. And I personally think the father did a damn good job in admitting that he wasn't able at this point and time to take care of his child. But it seemed the more the father explained the more the boy felt detached and unwanted. No child should feel that way and I think that's what truly brought a tear to my eye. Sitting here watching a father blink back tears hug his son and say 'No matter what I'm here' It was truly an emotional and beautiful display... I just wish it had been for another reason and not one were the child feels unwanted... 10月24日 This Is ACTUALLY a blog WOW! *O*I have decided to vent my on going negative energy into something productive other then these damn blogs... So I have decided to take up the religion of Paganism and although I say now that I want to be one I still have ALOT of research to do into the religion... So guys wish me luck! And Greg baby doll I love you! Can't wait to see you in a week! Oh yes and check out the crazy cake I made! It's for Halloween I think I shall call it... UM... Oh I know! After an old ex of mine since it is so hideous and slightly miss shaped! That’s right darling I 'm naming it after you! I shall call Thee Ozze Ball (you know what Ex you are *wink*) Anywho there’s my update and people (Andy and Ramon) STOP e-mailing me for more poems they tend to hide in the back of my brain when they are nagged at!
Love yah all! Clara ^_^ 9月28日 EncoreIt’s odd… How these things happen… You look at the same face you have for what seems an eternity and you smile. But then you realize that you are not meant to smile… You are meant to hate… It’s hard to hate someone. It truly is. Someone you’ve loved and seemed to love you back. But if ones so quick to turn you it makes you wonder if they even know the meaning of love… You question yourself at first… Slightly confused and disoriented. Then slowly your heart turns darker and colder. You feel the need to protect it from anyone…. From everyone. Life becomes complicated and then poof everything changes again you suddenly feel nothing for you ‘beloved’. Your heart, soul, mind and body suddenly lift up clear and crystal… I am free and I am thankful but if I had the chance to dance with love again I think I’d take the encore.
Was about an ex and How I got over him and if I had to fall in love again I would... (and did:P:P) 9月16日 The Miracle of Toilet PaperTHE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from the shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts were too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then everyday take a piece of toiletpaper and rub it between them for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?", I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years", my husband replies. I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts bigger over the years?" Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again. Stupid, stupid This Was Not WRITTEN BY ME! It was a forward from a coworker and friend! so NO I DIDN'T WRITE IT! just one of thoughs things you pick up...
8月28日 Why...Why does this have to happen? Why? I asked you again and again and still you acted as if my words fell upon deaf ears. I know you can hear me so why! Why do you act as you do not! I see your face flinch as your pride and soul are nipped at by my cruel words. But whose fault is this really? Were does your real blame lie? With me? Am I the one who did it? Well! Why do you not answer me? Why... Why does this have to happen? Why do you not answer me... Why... Why can't I understand this all... I ask you why...
This was a moment were I was TOTALLY confuzzled and in a fight with a friend of mine! 7月20日 My last Good byeYou have lied to me for the last time! I am no longer your plaything am I? No. I'm much worst... I'm your forgotten toy... But I was easily replaced wasn't I? All your lines all the times you told me those three words, I see now were lies. No more deception. Tonight as I wait in your room for you I hear her voice, I can smell her perfume, I can touch her from were I stand. I watch as you undress and begin to play with your new toy. And then suddenly I am trapped upon a shelf were no one can touch or comfort me anymore. But this is not your doing it is my own. I have created a barrier from the world to me. I want no mans touch I want no woman’s comfort I want to be alone and die... tonight I will die and all I must say is every time you cry a name let it be mine, as a painful reminder of what you have given up. Let each touch to a woman’s flesh remind you of the constant emptiness for no women will compare to the warmth we once felt… This pain must stop now for I shall end it even if it means I must end my life… Good bye world good bye life and loved ones, and good bye to you the one I trusted most… loved and cared for… good bye…
I wrote this after hearing my Fav song of all time "Cross Eyed Teddy Bear" It's about a girla nd a boy supposed to go off and get married and well he turns out to be a drunk and he slaps her and tells her to get lost so she comes back not even a day later with the police to get her things and he's already cleaned and picked up everything but her Cross Eyed Bear that he won for her on her first date... The end shot is her looking at the bear in an empty house and him off on another date with someone else. Raither sad song... 7月6日 An Artical I picked up at workThis is not MY writting i have no claim to it! This was taken from 'zombies make everyone happy' and ir's by Scott Feschuk
Now playing with relentless frequency at the summer multiplex is the latest commercial for Tag body spray. For the uninitiated, tag body spray is a lot like Axe body spray, save for one crucial difference that s related thought the products’ advertising. In the interest of science, permit me to elaborate: According to the Axe commercials, if a typical young man applies Axe body spray in generous quantities, he will end up having hot, random sexual relations with one or perhaps two stunningly attractive women. According to the Tag commercials if a typical young man applies Tag body spray in generous quantities, he will end up having hot, random sexual relations with dozens perhaps scores stunningly attractive women. According to actual life, I a typical young man applies either body spray in generous quantities, he will end up having hot sexual relations with one or perhaps two of his hands, usually while his mom pounds on the bedroom door yelling: “What the hell is that smell?! Have you been maced?”Blazing LoveI think I finally forget your touch... Your smile... Your loving gaze... then my walls of ice come crashing down in a blaze... Revealing my still badly bleeding heart to you. We’ve danced this dance and bin down this old dirt road to long... Good bye sweet caress, pleasing smile, warmth gaze and hello all your hate and anguish
Me getting over an Ex boyfriend who seems to hate me... Not that I overly care doesn't crush my world or noffin but at the time I just couldn't understand it... Still don't actually... I just think I don't care anymore! ^_^ 6月12日 SpidersThe spiders in my mind spin their webs. Over my mind over my memories, over me... Their webs run through my blood filling it with hot hatred and pure poison. Running under my skin making me shiver. Reality becomes nothing but a blur. I'm unsure... I'm on uneven ground. Someone lend me a hand... Help me find my way out... Get these things away from me... Anyone... and yet no one answers... No ones here because i am lost in my insanity
I really cant remember... >_< Nothing Vs EverythingSway softly your power over my... Although I feel nothing and yet everything, every touch every caress. Everything I feel your breath on my neck your teeth to my flesh I feel your nails gripping my skin. I feel nothing and yet everything at once. My breathing is not heard though... I cannot breath... I release my last breath into the cold night. Were darkness will watch over my like my dark angel. Watch for me my angel and pray for my tortured soul for I shall pray for you no more... 6月9日 Nights MelodySoftchirps of nights song. Singing sweetly as I pass into the land of dreams were theres nothing to hold of dreams were theres nothing to hold me. Nothing to hold me in the melody of life. The softchirps of night pass as my world goes silent letting deaths mornful moansrun threw my mind. Good bye Nights song... Hello darkness 5月22日 Black FlameI want you out forever cast away from my blackened heart... tainted by your clawed fingers of your so-called love. Please leave let me be strong enough to not give in to your lustful love... Your blackened love. Let me go I want free of these tears this pain... this so-called love... Let me be strong enough to kill this so cindering flame of 'love', Let my tears drip down onto the black flames smothering the lust with pain, turning my heart to stone... My heart must be stone... a barrier to never let one like you enter… 5月16日 LightYou are my light, my guidence, my truth... But when your light, guidence and truth were needed most you were unseen a pitch blackness took control over my light... You have faided and flickered out of excistence... 4月23日 I HATE you!I hate you... no I don't hate you... I hate myself for letting you into my life. Letting you fan your flame over my picture perfect life. You set ablaze everything and cause caous and yet I really was so blind to this all... So blind to not see the look in your eyes when I was hurt when I was weakend by the challenges of life... You always hated me haven't you? Well I don't hate you... Much. Let this be a lesson to me. Let me always remember not to play with fire and to let dead dogs lie. I will remember... I will remeber I HATE you... I hate myself.... 4月20日 CaughtI'm caught. Caught up in your eyes. Your voice, your touch. Your lies... You forgot how much they hurt. You have forgotten that I wasn't one for pain... I won't stand still as you stab me one more time with your deseption... I am done being held back. Let me free! But you can't... because I can't... I am caught up in you, you and your lies. To bad your all caught up in yourself... 4月15日 BugsI bask in it... I swim my little head threw it I love it. I love watching you squirm with hate and pain watching you squirm under my thumb like a bug. Well I suppose I have always thought of you as such. Watching your whole world fall apart when really it was torn when you and I first met. I have bin slowly tearing it little by little and now the damage is done it can't be taken back, oh how I love it. I suppose you hate me like I hate you but as I look into your eyes I see the satisfaction of my work, looking into your eyes I see them filled with hate and nothing else. Ah yes I am the devil that was spat from Hell to drag you back there with me. Come little bug let us return and let me torment you ever more. As I know I shall haunt you forever. 3月27日 LucyMy Confessions... I look upon you the gift of god and wonder why I ever had doubt in him and his hand. Seeing your chest move up and down softly with each breath. Smiling at how happy it makes me feel just to know you’re here to brighten my life. Your small fingers grasping over my pinky as you sleep soundly, your eyes just slighted slightly, your soft hair and very cute rosy cheeks. I look upon you and realize you are an angle of god sent to my life and many others to brighten our days. With each giggle and smile comes joyful celebrations with each cry and frown comes patients and understanding. You the gift from god have taught me so much for being something so little... |
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